The past week has been quite busy. Work has definitely kept me busy in a positive way. I met a great group of people and had some really good time performing and just having quiet moments. Tuesday ended the run with a 16-hour work day that fell in to Wednesday, the day of my appointment to find out the results.
I was fortunate hubby wasn't working. He came in with me, reconnecting with the doctor who delivered our daughter 3.5 years earlier. The doctor reviewed that birth while we sat in front of his desk. He continued on, asking how she was doing while I did my best to sit graciously and patiently. I wanted to pounce on my chart and shake the results from the pages... But I didn't. I just sat quietly, trying to look all casual and like it was nothing.
He finally divided his attention to the left-hand side of his chart to the new results, scanned them and reported that all cell growth was within normal range - everything is fine. My husband took my hand as my lungs finally exhaled. My mind rewound his words a couple of times just to make sure I heard it right.
I had made a list of questions before we went in that I continued to ask, "what was done in the surgery? was there any thing out of the normal in the procedure?, will I need to increase the frequency of my PAP tests in the future?, is there anything to be diligent about in the future?" He answered all of my questions and will continue to do a little more follow up, but everything at this point is FINE!
It has been a day since I found out; things not slowing down much life-wise. I did another nutrition workshop Wednesday evening, had my mom over, did some work within my daughters' preschool today. I find myself moving forward, sometimes still letting go of big breaths, releasing all that energy that was carried over the last month. It is amazing how just a few words tumbling out of someone's mouth can change your path so profoundly. My daughter and I just cuddle and hug and I get it. My husband and I have been on another level. I get it - how fortunate I am to be where I am, to be where we are. It is a treasure.
The last month has been a cap to a really tough year. One that has taught me exactly what I needed - life did bring me what I needed, when I needed to learn it. It reinforced 'Needs' from 'Wants' in life, was an exercise in choosing where to put my energy and reminded me that my own "hero's journey" is not done, but just beginning again. It was a call for increased physical wellness and awareness, it brought forward friends and family who were really amazing in a challenging time. It meant the world - thank you for any and all of your positive thoughts. I am looking forward to moving that positive energy forward.
With so very much appreciation... Thank you.
By the way, as I was in the waiting room, I read a pamphlet about PAP tests and the current recommendations now do seem to be every two years. A friend mentioned she was furious to hear that. That was how long I went between PAP tests. My doctor said she believed that what was going on with me has been happening over the past year. I have learned over this course, that this really is something that surfaces for many women. If I could have prevented it by going in earlier and having it treated in office, that'd have been ideal. Perhaps it is a question for everyone to find out what feels right for them - one year between PAP tests, or two...? It is food for thought for women.
Friday 24 February 2012
Thursday 16 February 2012
A Low
It's 90-95% positive. I'm groovin' in my days, chasing and loving my daughter, spending time with hubby, doing my work project. Out of 24 hours, a minute here or there seem to contaminate the positive. Or writing an entry like this, but I think I need to write it to get it all out there! Sometimes, it just goes there. I am human.
There are constant physical reminders, post surgery/recovery, of there being an unanswered question. Will all be ok, or not? Within 8-9 days, there are times when I'm just beat, reminded, not so able to see that without a doubt, everything will be ok. Why am I so tired sometimes? Why do I feel so not myself sometimes?... It makes me so frustrated!!
My appointment with doc is on Wednesday (one week from today). "I'm sure it will be fine" has come from my lips and those all around me a hundred or so times by now. But I am a grown woman, still nervous to go to that office and hear what this doctor has to say.
How would I react if it weren't all good? Would I be strong enough to be gracious? would I be kicked in the gutt and lose it? Would I not even blink and know I'd fight it till it were gone? Do I know that no matter how hard you fight it, sometimes life ain't fair? Yes, I do. I've seen that story before in friends. A friend and his two boys who lost their wife and mother to cancer. Wendy. She has been in my mind a lot these days. I began a journal when I first heard she was diagnosed with cancer. I wasn't a mom at that point, but the love she had for her sons was so brilliant and deep, the news of her having such an aggressive cancer was absolutely shattering.
I didn't know what to do, or how to give to her life, her fight, other than to write. To write how she inspired me and would be here to continue to inspire her sons, husband, family and friends. Coincidentally, last week, I found that journal out of necessity for a journal to write notes in. I've read some of my entries from back then. I was in Europe at the time 2004. Wendy, who was the picture of health, such a warm and brilliant soul, who loved her boys to the moon and back, continues to move my life as a mother.
I wrote a text to her husband yesterday, trying to let him and their sons know that her life and her love made me a better person... but I deleted it. Started again. Deleted it. Would it bring up too much pain? Would it help them to know that her light is still in this world and she is so not forgotten? Or would it hurt too much to know she should be here?
She was one of the reasons I considered private surgery. I remember her hubby's words to my husband, "it things don't seem right, get it checked out right away. Don't wait".
How would I look at my daughter to know it wouldn't just be my fight, but hers to? Her life would be shifted huge.
I wish I could just lift up my 'skirt' and check for myself, "Everything good down there? Looks fine! 'I'M FINE, YIHOOOO!!'" But I can't, so I wait. "It'll be fine".
Next week's schedule begins to shape up. I wonder where I'll be one week from today.
Sometimes, I do worry. Today is just a tired day.
There are constant physical reminders, post surgery/recovery, of there being an unanswered question. Will all be ok, or not? Within 8-9 days, there are times when I'm just beat, reminded, not so able to see that without a doubt, everything will be ok. Why am I so tired sometimes? Why do I feel so not myself sometimes?... It makes me so frustrated!!
My appointment with doc is on Wednesday (one week from today). "I'm sure it will be fine" has come from my lips and those all around me a hundred or so times by now. But I am a grown woman, still nervous to go to that office and hear what this doctor has to say.
How would I react if it weren't all good? Would I be strong enough to be gracious? would I be kicked in the gutt and lose it? Would I not even blink and know I'd fight it till it were gone? Do I know that no matter how hard you fight it, sometimes life ain't fair? Yes, I do. I've seen that story before in friends. A friend and his two boys who lost their wife and mother to cancer. Wendy. She has been in my mind a lot these days. I began a journal when I first heard she was diagnosed with cancer. I wasn't a mom at that point, but the love she had for her sons was so brilliant and deep, the news of her having such an aggressive cancer was absolutely shattering.
I didn't know what to do, or how to give to her life, her fight, other than to write. To write how she inspired me and would be here to continue to inspire her sons, husband, family and friends. Coincidentally, last week, I found that journal out of necessity for a journal to write notes in. I've read some of my entries from back then. I was in Europe at the time 2004. Wendy, who was the picture of health, such a warm and brilliant soul, who loved her boys to the moon and back, continues to move my life as a mother.
I wrote a text to her husband yesterday, trying to let him and their sons know that her life and her love made me a better person... but I deleted it. Started again. Deleted it. Would it bring up too much pain? Would it help them to know that her light is still in this world and she is so not forgotten? Or would it hurt too much to know she should be here?
She was one of the reasons I considered private surgery. I remember her hubby's words to my husband, "it things don't seem right, get it checked out right away. Don't wait".
How would I look at my daughter to know it wouldn't just be my fight, but hers to? Her life would be shifted huge.
I wish I could just lift up my 'skirt' and check for myself, "Everything good down there? Looks fine! 'I'M FINE, YIHOOOO!!'" But I can't, so I wait. "It'll be fine".
Next week's schedule begins to shape up. I wonder where I'll be one week from today.
Sometimes, I do worry. Today is just a tired day.
Sunday 12 February 2012
Finding Joe
Hat-Trick! 3 posts in one night. Yeah, baby!
A couple nights ago, me and hubby watched the documentary "Finding Joe" directed and produced by Patrick Takaya Solomon.
BEST
One speaker after the next all with gems of wisdom. The first portion was a little odd, simple, maybe even mismatched in some regards, but the rest and the overall film has a great message.
It resonates with me because of my own journey. I grew up in within an amazing family. Parents that worked hard, loved us a ton; very kind and generous people who gave us every opportunity. My siblings were so ridiculously intelligent, talented, gorgeous and confident. They were science-minded. Then there was me. Perhaps self-proclaimed, I was the "black sheep" of the family. I did not find the sciences intriguing at all and my grades reflected it. Anything other than an "A" felt like failure. I was scrawny, with a permed mullet and big mouth. I felt like I just didn't measure up.
What you are immersed in usually becomes your normal. So after almost two decades, I just assumed I was meant to go to college and do sciences. But little cracks broke through, one by one. One revelation at a time. I found myself drawn to writing, to fighting, to going inward. But I only allowed myself to dabble in those interests minimally. It was there that I question whether that was expected, or if it was self-imposed.
It was between first and second year of college that I went from the Sciences, to the Arts. Then halfway through the year, I ended up fighting in the Canadian Nationals for Judo. It was the tip of the iceburg. Me and a friend, after the Nationals (which I didn't make huge wins at), spoke about going to Japan together. He would meet up with his sweetheart and find work. I would train in Judo. Things fell in line reeeeally easily for that and four or five months later I was in Japan fighting! I earned my black belt, broke my ankle, did a number on both of my shoulders and ended up returning home. Going overseas and fighting was a huge leap, with too much support to come home without whatever may have embodied success. That took a lot to get past emotionally. I have realized in the years following, especially in my career now, that the success was in just going, in just fighting, in just stretching myself. I coudn't learn that at the time because my ego was absolutely flailing to survive. Damn egos. That time there, "stretching" myself countless times a day, made me stronger than anything else could have. Life was just telling me I just wasn't meant to be that 'throw-down judo queen'. "oh darn" - ha ha!
I think because I felt I didn't succeed there, I thought the best thing to do when I returned would be to step back in line with what was expected and finally fulfill what I thought was right. I went to school, studied Marketing - it wasn't the Sciences, but at least it wasn't the ARTS! I did well there, and was hired fresh out of school in to a very good job. The following year, my job was to move across the country and a big decision came. Something didn't feel right. So I declined on the job. I decided I'd pursue law school and began to study towards it. I spoke with peers who were lawyers and then something came knocking at my door.
A door to performance art opened. It rocked me to my core, and I felt like I had woken up. It allowed me to be everything I loved as a child, it helped me live in the moment, get through living under expectations and taught me how to deal with fears, and I was pretty good at it. I was able to pick things up pretty quickly and one job turned in to the next. Every day I worked was a fantastic challenge. I would do "the happy dance"when I'd get a call for work. It was amazing... but how solid a future would this be?
I continued to study and take courses. But I found myself separating. Separating from those I felt had expectations/judgements of me and what I should be doing. I needed to listen to my own voice at that point. I separated from school, from the dreams I had begun to lay down. This is over twelve years ago, but I remember asking myself if my choice would be: having a career of prestige and financial security, or if I wanted to be happy and probably not make much money and definitely not have prestige. I chose the later...
It was a really challenging time. People close to me would sound kind of excited about what I was doing, but kind of have that look of "she won't make it", or "really, you want to do that?!". I was asked "what will you really be doing in five years?" People I'd known a lifetime said it was completely out of my character to do what I was doing. I was shy as a kid, pretty quiet and chill - except when I was expressing through play, being a huge tomboy. My jobs were all about performance, action, dynamic situations. In the end, I figure maybe they didn't really know me, because I hadn't known myself all those years.
Over thirteen years later, I am still performing. I succeeded and surpassed all hopes I had in my career, got to do some amazing things with really amazing people. I have been more financially independent than I ever would have been as a lawyer. I met and married my husband, and was more fulfilled than I ever would have thought possible. I still do "the happy dance" when I get the calls for work.
The thing "Finding Joe" highlighted for me at this point in my life is the Hero's Journey isn't just one big lesson per lifetime. When I had my daughter, my career was put on the back-burner. I was ready to shift my life to become a mother, but at the same time, all I had worked for fell behind me, including my social circle (work buddies). I didn't deal with the transition very well. My journey as a mother, though it has been the deepest, most loving and growth-provoking journey, was also spent, in large part, battling myself. Now, though I still have a passion for the performance aspect of things, I get that I am on another journey - a couple actually. If you get hung up when one journey comes full-circle and you don't use the strength of that one to conquer the rest of the journeys, life can get pretty frustrating and inefficient.
The past couple of months especially, have been my "sledgehammer". "Finding Joe" grabbed me by the lapels and made me realize that I am not meant to be fighting dragons out there on whichever journey I was on. I am meant to be embracing the journey I am on, and chasing my bliss over, and over, and over.
How's your hero's journey? I LOVE hearing people's journeys. One of my favourite things.
This documentary is now available for order on DVD, or on iTunes.
A couple nights ago, me and hubby watched the documentary "Finding Joe" directed and produced by Patrick Takaya Solomon.
BEST
DOCUMENTARY
EVER!
About the Film
"Finding Joe" is an exploration of famed Mythologist Joseph Campbell’s studies and their continuing impact on our culture. Through interviews with visionaries from a variety of fields interwoven with enactments of classic tales by a sweet and motley group of kids, the film navigates the stages of what Campbell dubbed The Hero’s Journey: the challenges, the fears, the dragons, the battles, and the return home as a changed person. Rooted in deeply personal accounts and timeless stories, Finding Joe shows how Campbell’s work is relevant and essential in today’s world and how it provides a narrative for how to live a fully realized life – or as Campbell would simply state, how to “follow your bliss”.
Featuring: Deepak Chopra, Mick Fleetwood, Rashida Jones, Tony Hawk, Catherine Hardwicke, Laird Hamilton, Robert Walter, Akiva Goldsman, Sir Ken Robinson, Robin Sharma, Lynne Kaufman, Alan Cohen, Brian Johnson, Joseph Marshall III, Rebecca Armstrong, Chungliang Al Huang, David L. Miller, Gay Hendricks, David Loy and Norman Ollestad.
One speaker after the next all with gems of wisdom. The first portion was a little odd, simple, maybe even mismatched in some regards, but the rest and the overall film has a great message.
It resonates with me because of my own journey. I grew up in within an amazing family. Parents that worked hard, loved us a ton; very kind and generous people who gave us every opportunity. My siblings were so ridiculously intelligent, talented, gorgeous and confident. They were science-minded. Then there was me. Perhaps self-proclaimed, I was the "black sheep" of the family. I did not find the sciences intriguing at all and my grades reflected it. Anything other than an "A" felt like failure. I was scrawny, with a permed mullet and big mouth. I felt like I just didn't measure up.
What you are immersed in usually becomes your normal. So after almost two decades, I just assumed I was meant to go to college and do sciences. But little cracks broke through, one by one. One revelation at a time. I found myself drawn to writing, to fighting, to going inward. But I only allowed myself to dabble in those interests minimally. It was there that I question whether that was expected, or if it was self-imposed.
It was between first and second year of college that I went from the Sciences, to the Arts. Then halfway through the year, I ended up fighting in the Canadian Nationals for Judo. It was the tip of the iceburg. Me and a friend, after the Nationals (which I didn't make huge wins at), spoke about going to Japan together. He would meet up with his sweetheart and find work. I would train in Judo. Things fell in line reeeeally easily for that and four or five months later I was in Japan fighting! I earned my black belt, broke my ankle, did a number on both of my shoulders and ended up returning home. Going overseas and fighting was a huge leap, with too much support to come home without whatever may have embodied success. That took a lot to get past emotionally. I have realized in the years following, especially in my career now, that the success was in just going, in just fighting, in just stretching myself. I coudn't learn that at the time because my ego was absolutely flailing to survive. Damn egos. That time there, "stretching" myself countless times a day, made me stronger than anything else could have. Life was just telling me I just wasn't meant to be that 'throw-down judo queen'. "oh darn" - ha ha!
I think because I felt I didn't succeed there, I thought the best thing to do when I returned would be to step back in line with what was expected and finally fulfill what I thought was right. I went to school, studied Marketing - it wasn't the Sciences, but at least it wasn't the ARTS! I did well there, and was hired fresh out of school in to a very good job. The following year, my job was to move across the country and a big decision came. Something didn't feel right. So I declined on the job. I decided I'd pursue law school and began to study towards it. I spoke with peers who were lawyers and then something came knocking at my door.
A door to performance art opened. It rocked me to my core, and I felt like I had woken up. It allowed me to be everything I loved as a child, it helped me live in the moment, get through living under expectations and taught me how to deal with fears, and I was pretty good at it. I was able to pick things up pretty quickly and one job turned in to the next. Every day I worked was a fantastic challenge. I would do "the happy dance"when I'd get a call for work. It was amazing... but how solid a future would this be?
I continued to study and take courses. But I found myself separating. Separating from those I felt had expectations/judgements of me and what I should be doing. I needed to listen to my own voice at that point. I separated from school, from the dreams I had begun to lay down. This is over twelve years ago, but I remember asking myself if my choice would be: having a career of prestige and financial security, or if I wanted to be happy and probably not make much money and definitely not have prestige. I chose the later...
It was a really challenging time. People close to me would sound kind of excited about what I was doing, but kind of have that look of "she won't make it", or "really, you want to do that?!". I was asked "what will you really be doing in five years?" People I'd known a lifetime said it was completely out of my character to do what I was doing. I was shy as a kid, pretty quiet and chill - except when I was expressing through play, being a huge tomboy. My jobs were all about performance, action, dynamic situations. In the end, I figure maybe they didn't really know me, because I hadn't known myself all those years.
Over thirteen years later, I am still performing. I succeeded and surpassed all hopes I had in my career, got to do some amazing things with really amazing people. I have been more financially independent than I ever would have been as a lawyer. I met and married my husband, and was more fulfilled than I ever would have thought possible. I still do "the happy dance" when I get the calls for work.
The thing "Finding Joe" highlighted for me at this point in my life is the Hero's Journey isn't just one big lesson per lifetime. When I had my daughter, my career was put on the back-burner. I was ready to shift my life to become a mother, but at the same time, all I had worked for fell behind me, including my social circle (work buddies). I didn't deal with the transition very well. My journey as a mother, though it has been the deepest, most loving and growth-provoking journey, was also spent, in large part, battling myself. Now, though I still have a passion for the performance aspect of things, I get that I am on another journey - a couple actually. If you get hung up when one journey comes full-circle and you don't use the strength of that one to conquer the rest of the journeys, life can get pretty frustrating and inefficient.
The past couple of months especially, have been my "sledgehammer". "Finding Joe" grabbed me by the lapels and made me realize that I am not meant to be fighting dragons out there on whichever journey I was on. I am meant to be embracing the journey I am on, and chasing my bliss over, and over, and over.
How's your hero's journey? I LOVE hearing people's journeys. One of my favourite things.
This documentary is now available for order on DVD, or on iTunes.
Saturday 11 February 2012
From the Inside Out
As mentioned in the previous post, I have been exhausted this week. Not sure what it is due to (post surgery, iron issues, just that funky vibe in the air, or all of the above), but from what I experienced with the 15 day raw food challenge last month and all the positives that went with it, I was very eager for my second appointment with Grounded Nutrition owner Whitney on Friday. It was a second meeting - the first was the Free Inital Assessment, this meeting was the Initial Coaching Meeting. She went through the issues on my 'plate' (pun intended), my goals as far as raw food nutrition. My goals and desires are:
- to dramatically increase the amount of raw veggies and fruit in our diet (not to become 100% raw foody or vegetarian) via:
- resources for preparing raw food meals
- help in planning raw food meals - we are on the go a LOT, and have a preschooler
- becoming educated in better nutrition while on this path (including getting enough iron, vitamin B12, D, zinc, calcium)
- to learn to substitute healthier options for our favourite foods
 |
| Vegan Pizza!! YUH-M! |
I am eagerly awaiting her recommendations and resources AND her Healthy Kids Workshop (February 15th), and Healthy Families Workshop (February 22nd), at the amazing Organic Connections Cafe. We learn to make:
- Homemade Gluten free, Vegan Pizza
- Vegan Taco Salad
- Raw Vegan Pasta Dishes
- Vegan Chocolate Zucchini Cake
Today, I was WIPED, with a dinner party to come. I asked hubby to take our daughter, so I could nap (me napping doesn't happen in this house unless I'm really sick or extremely tired). I woke up and still felt like I was running on empty. Thought I may need to have a coffee - I'm not a huge coffee drinker, but in the past, drank it out of function more than enjoyment. But, then I JUICED! Me and my daughter made a carrot, apple, kale and ginger juice. LOADED it with kale. Man, my body came alive after that and I was good to go. Thank you nap and nummy kale et al, and especially my hubby and daughter! Ah, vibrant, peaceful energy, from the inside, out.
"Doo, dee doooo..."
Two weeks can be a long time. ...wait... ...wait...
......wait.....
Nah, it's been fine, except when things get quiet and then that niggly little worm called "what if" inches in. Usually only happens when I remember I need to call for my follow-up appointment.
Recovery has been pretty good. Discomfort is only when I am too physically active, or at the end of the day, but WOW, do I ever feel beat by days' end. Talking to a friend, I kind of wonder if it is just the feeling in the air... sometimes I think us humans are sometimes on the same 'wave' - feeling tired, nothing going right, things going fantastic, etc. Maybe it is associated with weather, or the stars, or the energy out there in the world, who knows. Maybe for me it is a reaction to the anesthesia, or whatever happened in surgery, not quite sure. Regardless, I am working on giving my body, mind and spirit the best I can. I can affect those things. The rest of the story will unfold as it will.
......wait.....
...wait....
...wait...
Nah, it's been fine, except when things get quiet and then that niggly little worm called "what if" inches in. Usually only happens when I remember I need to call for my follow-up appointment. People have said that I worry a lot. It appears I do sometimes. Maybe it drives people bonkers to go through the "what if" process with me. "Why deal with things if they haven't happened yet?" There is definitely a balance that needs to be upheld in going about life and, being positive, but also not denying that question when it does come. Why? Here's the deal: Back to "Flourish: A Visionary Understanding of Happiness & Well-Being" by Dr. Martin Seligman, mentioned in June 2011 Favourite Things post. He discusses what he calls Post Traumatic Growth, where people undergo trauma, challenge, hardship, but then they grow. "In the long run, they arrive at a higher level of psychological functioning than before". A deeper sense of life, compassion, appreciation is gained - refinement. Trauma & Growth, right?
Hopefully, we don't need to go to the depths of being traumatized, or go through life-shattering experiences to learn in life. That niggly "What if" worm isn't all bad, IF it makes us take a hard look inside ourselves, our current situations, what has served us in the past, what must be let go of, what changes need to be made, what the priorities are and what our steps ahead will be. We are meant to grow, to express ourselves, to be our innate selves. Maybe that worm is a little guardian helping us to revise. I take it as that anyways - it ain't all paranoia and anxiety. It is when the "What if"s become too much, to obsessive, that it becomes negative.
Kind of reminds me of actors. Some actors are "method" actors - a technique where actors take on the character, blending their own past experiences, emotions depth etc. to the role to make it more real, weighted etc. Some actors simulate the thoughts and emotions, situations the character has in order to portray a role. I'd be a method actor. If I can empathize, invest myself in something for a greater understanding, maybe it gives back a greater expression in ones own life too. Again, and as with all things, it is a balance to not go overboard and lose ones own self in the 'role'.
All in all, if this experience makes me look at all of the above, my current life's priorities, helps me let go of certain things, find the strength to grow in areas I wish to grow now, etc., then I will be thankful for this experience, rather than at the end of the day being just "lucky", or a victim.
I haven't made my follow up appointment yet as work is a bit up in the air. I am pretty sure that nerves play in there a bit too. I want to enjoy this time with my family, with work, be creative, be silly, perform. Just that right now. I will make the appointment this week, for hopefully Wednesday the 22nd when this work project is complete.
Recovery has been pretty good. Discomfort is only when I am too physically active, or at the end of the day, but WOW, do I ever feel beat by days' end. Talking to a friend, I kind of wonder if it is just the feeling in the air... sometimes I think us humans are sometimes on the same 'wave' - feeling tired, nothing going right, things going fantastic, etc. Maybe it is associated with weather, or the stars, or the energy out there in the world, who knows. Maybe for me it is a reaction to the anesthesia, or whatever happened in surgery, not quite sure. Regardless, I am working on giving my body, mind and spirit the best I can. I can affect those things. The rest of the story will unfold as it will.
Life, even in it's moments of uncertainty, is pretty amazing.
Tuesday 7 February 2012
Updated Bits
Just an update that surgery went really well yesterday! Going under anesthesia and coming out was great. It is crazy lying there, the O.R. staff chatting away with you, then you feel the cool fluid of the anesthesia going in and... YOU'RE OUT! What seems like the next second someone is calling your name, you're all cuddled up and in a different room. Crazy.
I'm definitely having a lesson in relinquishing control these days. I'm very used to being in touch with my body, controlling it, listening to it etc. But not knowing about what was going on as far as the 'bits', and then being put under anesthetic to deal with it. It's weird to me. There's like a team of people workin' away down there... and I know nothing about it or won't know the outcome for 2 weeks! Very weird. I am, however, controlling/focusing my thoughts, putting them to good use, focusing on wellness, on healing and moving forward in many ways. If all goes well in the results from the biopsy in two weeks, I will definitely appreciate the lessons this has all brought me.
Back to yesterday, the staff was great - they are totally getting a delivery of chocolate covered strawberries. Good care is so amazing when you have it. Doing that job day in and day out, must be a challenge. It is appreciated.
Thank you to all who sent out good vibes, prayers and just awesome support. That meant the world and without a doubt, it made a difference in a thousand ways I couldn't even be aware of, outside of all the ways it made me feel so resilient, but the day just went so smoothly I know every thought was in play. Pretty overwhelming, especially to hear that some of you have followed up on your own health - YIHOOO! Thank you everyone!
Today is a gorgeous day out. I am just chilling and relaxing. Feeling a bit achy, but otherwise great. I am spending the day doing what I love, connecting with family and friends, writing and trying to do some positive things. Making good vibes out here on the farm!
I juiced up a storm this morning. Body is loving that. Since doing our juicing and predominantly raw food challenge in January, boy have I noticed a difference coming off it!! The vibrance, the energy, the clarity... I miss that! Since I did the program, I caught the flu, went to Las Vegas with my awesome sisters, came home, recovered with my family who also caught the flu and then had surgery. I see such an incredible contrast that I have had a consultation and scheduled a Nutrition Coaching appointment with Whitney at Grounded Nutrition. For the recovery process especially, I am focusing on juicing especially today, and just trying to boost my body with easy to digest, vitamin packed nutrition. No worries, I'm also having some comfort foods in there too... I have a couple weeks of performance-oriented work coming up starting next week, so I'm doing my best to give my body the full capabilities of healing. It feels good!
Again, thank you everyone who tuned in, and for all the positive thoughts going on. Makes me want to send out that much more positive vibes in to the world around me. That is what life is all about right?
Much love.
I'm definitely having a lesson in relinquishing control these days. I'm very used to being in touch with my body, controlling it, listening to it etc. But not knowing about what was going on as far as the 'bits', and then being put under anesthetic to deal with it. It's weird to me. There's like a team of people workin' away down there... and I know nothing about it or won't know the outcome for 2 weeks! Very weird. I am, however, controlling/focusing my thoughts, putting them to good use, focusing on wellness, on healing and moving forward in many ways. If all goes well in the results from the biopsy in two weeks, I will definitely appreciate the lessons this has all brought me.
Back to yesterday, the staff was great - they are totally getting a delivery of chocolate covered strawberries. Good care is so amazing when you have it. Doing that job day in and day out, must be a challenge. It is appreciated.
Thank you to all who sent out good vibes, prayers and just awesome support. That meant the world and without a doubt, it made a difference in a thousand ways I couldn't even be aware of, outside of all the ways it made me feel so resilient, but the day just went so smoothly I know every thought was in play. Pretty overwhelming, especially to hear that some of you have followed up on your own health - YIHOOO! Thank you everyone!
Today is a gorgeous day out. I am just chilling and relaxing. Feeling a bit achy, but otherwise great. I am spending the day doing what I love, connecting with family and friends, writing and trying to do some positive things. Making good vibes out here on the farm!
I juiced up a storm this morning. Body is loving that. Since doing our juicing and predominantly raw food challenge in January, boy have I noticed a difference coming off it!! The vibrance, the energy, the clarity... I miss that! Since I did the program, I caught the flu, went to Las Vegas with my awesome sisters, came home, recovered with my family who also caught the flu and then had surgery. I see such an incredible contrast that I have had a consultation and scheduled a Nutrition Coaching appointment with Whitney at Grounded Nutrition. For the recovery process especially, I am focusing on juicing especially today, and just trying to boost my body with easy to digest, vitamin packed nutrition. No worries, I'm also having some comfort foods in there too... I have a couple weeks of performance-oriented work coming up starting next week, so I'm doing my best to give my body the full capabilities of healing. It feels good!
Again, thank you everyone who tuned in, and for all the positive thoughts going on. Makes me want to send out that much more positive vibes in to the world around me. That is what life is all about right?
Much love.
Friday 3 February 2012
My Bits
I sent a variation of this email last week to some women in my life. The past two weeks have been a roller coaster ride of doctors appointments, hard to digest news, the flu, traveling, going through challenges in relationships, really taking a good hard look at the factors influencing my body's balance and wellness. Monday I have surgery.
I am sharing this because I wish I'd have been encouraged through whatever means, to act on something that is pretty important sooner. But instead, I let it go by the way-side and now I'm in the position I am in. So, I hope this makes you do something positive for your wellness.
My surgery went from being 2 months away, to this coming Monday. The past weeks have been about sifting through my life, figuring out what is impeding wellness and balance (including the tendency to keep the harder things bottled up, which is another reason I am writing). Regardless of what happens, if things are ok, or not, I know I need to make some changes and I'm thankful for this challenge. So I'm starting now, hoping that life will be better for what is going on. That's what life is about, right? Becoming stronger ourselves and those around us, for the curve balls we have thrown our way. Yup.
Check your bits girls and guys (you have bits too, but at least you can see your bits - hopefully till you are 90 or so too).
I am sharing this because I wish I'd have been encouraged through whatever means, to act on something that is pretty important sooner. But instead, I let it go by the way-side and now I'm in the position I am in. So, I hope this makes you do something positive for your wellness.
"Ok, this is probably the most personal 'bulk' email I've done, but I'm writing it to you ladies, because I love ya and would like for you to take a few minutes to imagine something:
Imagine you go to your doc for an overdue (2 years, which is actually what some doctors recommend these days) PAP test. You know you should have gone in a while ago, but things have always been fine. The days just go by, life is busy being a momma, a partner, a woman, working or trying to maintain whatever else will fit in between all of the rest etc. Perhaps you were avoiding going due to whatever baggage you carry (being poked and prodded during miscarriage, but really, who in their right mind is great with someone's with their head between your legs, and that horrid speculum anyways?).
If you're not a woman and you have a girlfriend or wife, or sister or daughter, you figure they are taking care of their maintenance (but guess what? women tend to leave self-maintenance to the end of the list - especially when they feel fine), and the last thing you want to ask is "Hey, have you had a PAP test lately? How's your girlie bits? Everything good?". Screw that – ASK because you love them and you are invested in their well-being as much as they are with yours.
You go to your doctor and the exam carries on as it always has – the voice in your head, "relax… what do I say?… what's it like to be the doc? (embarrassed), hate this…" But then… something is not right.
A referral to a specialist is made. In the lead up waiting to the appointment, you wrap your head around there being an issue, but "it'll be fine", you are relatively young, eat well, are active etc. You research that it is somewhat common.
Day of the specialist appointment comes. You walk in, chat, exam happens and you wait for the said, simple biopsy to be done, but… the doc is not able. The exam reveals things have progressed too much and there are other issues as well. Surgery is needed.
You listen to the facts, try do your best to stop your mind from leaping at the words coming from his mouth, almost mowing him over with "What is really going on here?!?". Instead, you're cool as a cucumber. And what the hell - why is it that when someone tells you not to worry, it just fucking makes you worry? They don't just put you under for shits and giggles. You swing from word to word, fact to fact, but the occasional slip happens and horrid things flash through your mind, first and foremost, raising that little one and loving your family, but now, its not just for the rest of your life, but till she's all grown up – like 65 years old or so and, you actually want to see what your hubby's perky butt looks like when he's 90. If you could just see that, that'd be great.
You go to a restaurant and write because your heart can't process looking at your family yet, especially those little eyes because you felt like you made a mistake that could cost her and that little sliver of "what if?" is just too deep to hold it all together. You begin to research carefully, not wanting to be scared shitless, but just needing to inform yourself: "What does it mean? How serious is this?…(that ridiculous 'what if' seeps in)" Ad then you're a dumbass falling apart in a restaurant by yourself.
This is what can happen in just two years, or rather one year, as my family physician expected. Everything will be ok, you're sure, but… you're still somewhat scared. Shouldn't you have known something was up a little bit? You're in tune with your body. But the research shows women don't know there is something wrong, until things have progressed way beyond the reproductive system, until it's really not ok, unless they are having regular, annual pap tests.
If you have baggage, or just don't like the stupid exam, drop it and live for the present and the future. If you have just forgotten or put it off, make the appointment Monday just because. Become better for me writing about my lady bits, because it's no more fun talkin' about my bits, than it is lying on that table. And maybe if me being moved enough to write about my bits, makes someone catch something early, or learn from my mistake, fan-freakin'-tastic!
I don't want worries – that's not what life or friendship is about. Good thoughts would be appreciated (especially this Monday). Hearing a reply or comment below that you made an appointment would be better."
My surgery went from being 2 months away, to this coming Monday. The past weeks have been about sifting through my life, figuring out what is impeding wellness and balance (including the tendency to keep the harder things bottled up, which is another reason I am writing). Regardless of what happens, if things are ok, or not, I know I need to make some changes and I'm thankful for this challenge. So I'm starting now, hoping that life will be better for what is going on. That's what life is about, right? Becoming stronger ourselves and those around us, for the curve balls we have thrown our way. Yup.
Check your bits girls and guys (you have bits too, but at least you can see your bits - hopefully till you are 90 or so too).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)