New Normals

Life is so dynamic in what it brings;  new social circles,  opportunities to refine oneself, new loves, new adventures, or even on the other end of the spectrum, the shift of jobs, the loss of dreams/loved ones, the annihilation of entire cities and one's home, the loss of peace...   We are human and human beings adapt, even when we so do not want to.  It is a matter of survival and evolution. To adapt is to create a new normal.

We adapt to crappy situations, bad relationships, bad habits (thinking it is OK, or acceptable).  We drag 30 years of poor coping mechanisms in to the generations after us just because it is what we know, unless we make the effort to change. We also and more importantly choose to adapt to healthier ways. 

In the spirit of endeavouring for wellness, I find that... it ain't easy.  Shifting to a life of wellness requires mindfully adapting - building 'new normals'.  And when you work hard putting down a new foundation, building a new fabric, life goes and shifts again.  It can be annoying and sometimes be exasperating.  Juuuust when I was getting a groove, a-there, it goes.  Such is life.

Since January, i was in a GROOVE!  I had my classes going, I got to meetings, I had my sweetie around with such loving support, our daughter was enjoying both of us and then BOOM!  His schedule changes again, me and my daughter are 24/7 forehead to forehead, no fitness classes, no yoga, we get sick, we become bystanders to the horrors of the tsunami/earthquake/nuclear dangers, we learn about helplessness. 

For many, things roll off the back like water off a duck.  Me, not so much.  I struggle maybe more than I should.  My husband says I go deep, that I sometimes think too much.  I own that, I also own the strengths that quality gives me.  I think it makes me inefficient sometimes, like for instance recently, there I was grumpy.  Irritated.  Negative.  My balance was gone and I was expending energy on trying to get back what I missed, what gave me balance,  that the fluff within the fabric of who I am was diminished.  Depleted.  No fuzzies.  Low energy.  When I am out of balance, I become focused on what WILL bring balance back - what is it I am missing?  How do I get it back?  "I want it!"  Sometimes, though, it is just realizing that I have no control, that I AM doing all that can be done, and instead of 'swimming against the current', I need to just go with the flow, be in the moment and learn from it what I can - to adapt (even temporarily to this new situation, until balance is restored).  I forget to appreciate just where I am because every moment DOES bring a person something. Adapt.  "I am only, out of balance, for a short period.  Learn and move on". I learned a lot in the past month while i wasn't in my training groove.  My heart was training.  My motherhood was in training.  My relationship was in training.  If you can't have balance, see where you are.  Maybe something is there to be learned that you otherwise wouldn't have learned.  Search for what it takes to 'move in' to your new normal.

As human beings, we seek what we know.  In this society, we seek what is 'normal' to us based on what we 'feed' our hearts/minds day-to-day, or based on our past history.   Even if it is detrimental to us, we will stay in that place because it is what we know, and what we know, is easier (takes less energy because we have mastered how to manage it in one way or another) than what we do not know.  Ego-wise anyways.  But wellness is based on equilibrium - balance, calmness.  "shhhhhh..." there's that little voice in there that calmly speaks in that positive, confident manner that it always does, saying "whatcha doin'?  you know there's more for ya..."  and it isn't until the negative becomes more than what we feel we are worth, that you finally choose to make a difference.  Friction occurs which in turn, eventually makes you say "enough IS enough".  Some times you HAVE TO change or you know you will lose yourself. 

Life is sometimes really shitty.  It pulls the rug from under you and will stomp on your heart.  You'll have your heart broken.  People will get sick and pass on.  Maybe we become unwell.  And there you are.  There is a new normal and there is nothing to do but to move on.  Life, as cruely as it seems, keeps moving on.  In my life, these times taught me the most profound lessons.  They deepened me more than the "ok days" ever have and you know what, even though I may never understand fully, I am thankful.   You take off your backpack of tools in life and priorities, and throw them on the ground and figure out what is worth keeping and what is not so helpful anymore, your heart lifts because people step up around you.  You take the time to mourn the things that helped get you this far, that made life wonderful that are no longer.  You honour your heart - give it time to let go, and pay the heartache forward and let whatever was taken from you, be a positive light in your future.  And one day passes in to the next and a new normal begins being built - most times without you even noticing.  Notice.  Know yourself.  Honour yourself and your heart.  BE the creator in your new normal.  Adapt with intention.

Even in changes we choose to make - fitness, wellness.  We choose goals.  The "why" of why we choose goals matters.  They have to matter or we won't stick with it because it takes a lot of energy to make new patterns.  It takes repeating over and over again, to make something a habit (refer to The Talent Code).  The more you run those new circuits in your brain, the more myelin* wraps around your nerve fibers making those pathways conduct with speed and ease.  It makes things second nature, reroutes the new behaviours from the previous pathways etc.  It creates a new normal.   It takes energy when you CHOOSE a new behaviour, you must consciously, mindfully invest the thought and energy to create those new pathways/behaviours. When you are moving in to a new realm you are unfamiliar with, it takes a lot of energy, it takes hope, it takes faith.   The tendency is to go back to what we know because, especially in times of stress, we want to expend less energy so we can divert it to 'survival mode'.  So you sit yourself down on a proverbial rock and "think. think. think" Well...

Why?  BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT!  How do i know you are worth it?  Because we are all worth it and what you do affects everyone you are in contact with.  You are worth it because at the end of days, you will have a life lived - what will your story have been, what will remain of you when your body is gone?  We are fighters, and seem to not even know/remember it (especially women).   That bitchy, REOW side?  USE your powers for good, let it fuel you! (go rent '300' and 'J.I. Jane' again!).   Human beings are deep.  We care (even, and especially, when we say we don't).  We have the mind capacity to do many things (sometimes to our detriment).  *snap!*  *snap!*  *snap!* "FOCUS, DAMN IT!"

This community, this world needs proactivity, not passive following.  You are worth it because our communities, our friendships, our families, our children and our dreams need to raise the bar.  We need that in the world today.  Lead. You are worth it because it is your one life and you know what?  Your life affects mine.  That matters to me.

I have an exercise.... who is going to do it?  NO TV for one week.  We do not have cable in our home (when we do watch TV, we watch movies and documentaries etc. that we choose).  I went to my parents' place and sat and watched TV with my mom.  My jaw was on the floor.  DRAMA, SENSATIONALISM, the pumping of materialistic stuff/lifestyles "everybody needs one of THESE cuz it'll make you happy!"  "Billy-Bob on whatever show who is a coffee barister is living in a gorgeous apartment" wtf?   DISTORTED, I tell ya!  Why?  Because it is MEANT to keep you watching.  Life is not like that, nor should it be.  People turn on the tv to escape.  Fair enough.  But are you aware of what you are feeding your mind?  Are you aware of the 'new normals' you are creating by what you are watching on TV?    We watch what we put in our bodies food-wise.  Ingest healthy things.  Social circles are something to consider, but man, TV, I tell ya.  I was shocked.  Is this a factor in your 'normal'?  When you are finished a week long TV/cable cleanse, CHOOSE what you put in to your mind and what supplements your 'normal' or 'new normals' (yes, you can watch '300' then).

Do a TV cleanse.  Even if you do not go without TV for one week, know what you are striving for in your life - your individual equilibrium, what REALLY matters, what you value in the social circles you run in and see if what you are watching IS in line with it... or, are some programs mentally dripping crap in a feed like a subconscious IV to your noggin?

In it's place, put your energy in to those around you, thinking about new normals etc.  BE with those you love (NOT sitting in front of the TV beside those you love, that ain't family time!).  Gain an extra couple hours a day to DO.  If you take this challenge, please post below.  I want to hear your feedback.

Use the power of adaptability mindfully.  Lead your life. 


*Myelin  -a mixture of proteins and phospholipids forming a whitish insulating sheath around many nerve fibers, increasing the speed at which impulses are conducted