......wait.....
...wait....
...wait...
Nah, it's been fine, except when things get quiet and then that niggly little worm called "what if" inches in. Usually only happens when I remember I need to call for my follow-up appointment. People have said that I worry a lot. It appears I do sometimes. Maybe it drives people bonkers to go through the "what if" process with me. "Why deal with things if they haven't happened yet?" There is definitely a balance that needs to be upheld in going about life and, being positive, but also not denying that question when it does come. Why? Here's the deal: Back to "Flourish: A Visionary Understanding of Happiness & Well-Being" by Dr. Martin Seligman, mentioned in June 2011 Favourite Things post. He discusses what he calls Post Traumatic Growth, where people undergo trauma, challenge, hardship, but then they grow. "In the long run, they arrive at a higher level of psychological functioning than before". A deeper sense of life, compassion, appreciation is gained - refinement. Trauma & Growth, right?
Hopefully, we don't need to go to the depths of being traumatized, or go through life-shattering experiences to learn in life. That niggly "What if" worm isn't all bad, IF it makes us take a hard look inside ourselves, our current situations, what has served us in the past, what must be let go of, what changes need to be made, what the priorities are and what our steps ahead will be. We are meant to grow, to express ourselves, to be our innate selves. Maybe that worm is a little guardian helping us to revise. I take it as that anyways - it ain't all paranoia and anxiety. It is when the "What if"s become too much, to obsessive, that it becomes negative.
Kind of reminds me of actors. Some actors are "method" actors - a technique where actors take on the character, blending their own past experiences, emotions depth etc. to the role to make it more real, weighted etc. Some actors simulate the thoughts and emotions, situations the character has in order to portray a role. I'd be a method actor. If I can empathize, invest myself in something for a greater understanding, maybe it gives back a greater expression in ones own life too. Again, and as with all things, it is a balance to not go overboard and lose ones own self in the 'role'.
All in all, if this experience makes me look at all of the above, my current life's priorities, helps me let go of certain things, find the strength to grow in areas I wish to grow now, etc., then I will be thankful for this experience, rather than at the end of the day being just "lucky", or a victim.
I haven't made my follow up appointment yet as work is a bit up in the air. I am pretty sure that nerves play in there a bit too. I want to enjoy this time with my family, with work, be creative, be silly, perform. Just that right now. I will make the appointment this week, for hopefully Wednesday the 22nd when this work project is complete.
Recovery has been pretty good. Discomfort is only when I am too physically active, or at the end of the day, but WOW, do I ever feel beat by days' end. Talking to a friend, I kind of wonder if it is just the feeling in the air... sometimes I think us humans are sometimes on the same 'wave' - feeling tired, nothing going right, things going fantastic, etc. Maybe it is associated with weather, or the stars, or the energy out there in the world, who knows. Maybe for me it is a reaction to the anesthesia, or whatever happened in surgery, not quite sure. Regardless, I am working on giving my body, mind and spirit the best I can. I can affect those things. The rest of the story will unfold as it will.
Life, even in it's moments of uncertainty, is pretty amazing.
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