When I ask myself what my priorities are in life, what I believe to be the factors in life that will benefit me the most, one answer tops the list – my social circles, most definitely my inner circle-my family and closest friends.
Those social circles, the ones that I choose, am born in to, or bring in to this world, are my lifelines. They will be my biggest support, my biggest factor in feeling belongingness, acceptance in this world. They will give me a place to be vulnerable when I am down, the strength to get back up fighting when I am ready. They are around me most every day, shaping my norms and myself shaping theirs, like a baby mobile – one thing is touched and the rest of it moves in response to that interjection of energy. They will know my goals, my dreams and my most silly thoughts and keep them in their hearts. Unless something better comes up…? “BING! Oh, social networking alert! Ooh, what’s been posted?”
Time to hop on the computer, we scroll through our emails, scan the newsfeed on whatever social networking device we choose, or perhaps all of them we have chosen. Or just randomly surf the net – youtube, yahoo news, etc. endlessly being supplied other articles/videos that may interest us. We respond to whatever is urgent, fed to us, or just whatever suits us. If a quiet moment enters our day, we ZAP it with a social network check-in!
Hundreds of television channels are at the disposal of your dominant thumb. If a TV show/movie does not suit us, we zip through the channels until we find something else engaging. A commercial comes on, we flip to something else and perhaps that show is better than the one we were watching. Maybe we PVR our show and just fast-forward everything, but whatever good parts suit us.
In our cars, on goes the radio/satellite radio. We flip through, chasing a song that either fits our mood, or will bring us up to the mood we want to attain, or perhaps check the news, the traffic, the weather.
Mostly all of the above are geared towards taking our attention from something else. There is an entire science utilized to direct marketers to as effectively as possible engage whatever target audience you are, to give you their attention.
How often do you check your social network? Is it accessible from your phone as well? Does it invade your time with people when you are with them? Do you turn on the tv and tune out the time with those in your home? Do you generally respond when someone takes the time to write, call or address you? When in the presence of others who are speaking, do you have hard time giving attention without breaking off in to your own mode, or desire to be doing just something else, even though you know it is disrespectful?
There is the premise that “what you repeatedly do, you will become”. When we push that tiny, squishy little button on the remote, when we click on that radio dial, or flash open our computers… we are repeatedly condition ourselves (unless we are mindful) to alter our focus. “whatever comes up that is better, we will go with.” It is an absolute jungle of stimuli that I find myself swinging from vine to vine from, sometimes forgetting my own direction. My mind adapts to this new norm. So when it comes to the accountability of my social circles and those within it, I find myself losing focus on giving people the time that I feel they truly deserve. People ask how it is possible to give everyone that time. I'm not convinced it is possible, but I do know that when the TV goes off, the computer goes to ‘sleep’, the phone is put on silent, we GAIN that time and focus.
A friend of mine mentioned the pet-peeve of people not RSVP’ing to social engagements, etc., or changing at the last minute and guests not calling to let her know plans had changed. Her thought perforated my own train of thought: not just RSVP’ing to events, but do I respond to emails that people have obviously spent the time creating for me? Do I return calls to those who reached out to me? When my daughter just wants to read a book (and I know it is because she hasn’t had much ‘momma-time’) do I respond? etc. It made me look at my own accountability and the accountability of those around me.
Are our lives busier than ever? Or are we filling them with more than ever because that is what we are teaching ourselves - that that is the way it should be? Drive to work, turn on the radio, or even check in with our own emails, social networking en route? Work a full-time job, social network a bit there, catch up on emails, deal with work issues, come home, deal with roommates, children, significant other, make dinner, turn on the tv, bed time routine, turn off the tv and go to bed, perhaps fall asleep with TV on. Bigger, better, louder, catchier, faster, and if you are not tuned in, you are out of touch.
When is my own time to unplug from everything and just follow/hear my own thoughts? When do I just run with the undivided attention of my loved ones to be there for each other? Do you have that time every day?
My wise sister said once, “kids are just ‘time-in”’. It is not about the big moments, or the Hallmark holidays that articulate how secure and loved they feel - it is the every day. It is the repeated learning that those people will be there for us, that they understand our need, and how they will be there, and us in return. This, I find to be true for ALL relationships. When the ‘time-in’ diminishes, when we repeatedly tell those we love that something else is more important, our social circle begins to fragment. People learn to search elsewhere for where they are important, and for others who will be there for them. We find where we are needed, because we need to feel that draw. We wonder why these people can’t fulfill us all, or hold our attention as they should. We begin to learn not to depend on those in that circle because they are consistently and subconsciously letting us down and in return, we inevitably do the same. It is a sort of social cancer.
There is a simple accountability that we have to one another as human beings. If life is such that we don’t have just that amount of time for whom we truly treasure, perhaps it is time to make a shift. If we choose to have people in our social circles, and appreciate them, we must become accountable to them. If not, we are building a false foundation.
The social norms of pop-culture are NOT our norms. They are Business – that is it. But within that business, within our pop-culture today, I am going to start fighting back and being mindful of what I plug myself in to.
My goal this week is to be mindful of what I plug in to, and to be accountable to those in my social circles.
While my husband and daughter are out, I am going to my garden - without my phone. Perhaps I can make IT grow! :)
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