Within 2 years and 6 months, my mother had 3 girls. When I was a new ball of babiness, my mom was chasing a 1.5 year old and taming a 2.5 year old. Having the experience of being a mother myself now, to a 2.75 year old, I can not understand how my mom did it with her sanity in tact.
My mom is a tiny little thing. I am 5'5" and in my arms, she is this waif-like bundle of ninja energy. Watching my mother in any home, whether it be ours or especially her own, she is a human hummingbird. She whizzes around like a tiny force, almost hearing her energy buzzing as she moves about. If she were to stop moving her flurrying arms, I suspect she would fall earthward. You almost have to sit on her to get her to rest. My husband says he almost came to blows with her trying to get her to sit in our kitchen, to just rest after a dinner - he lost. I seethed to him through clenched teeth and squinted eyes, "try harderrrr...." Who he was more scared of, I'm not sure.
Last year, I watched as my mom took my daughter "M", wrapped the then 1 year old in her favourite blankie and walked and sang to her quietly. Her gentle voice accompanied by nothing but silence took me back to when I was a toddler. I think as we grew up she became self-conscious of her untrained voice, but as she sang again to my daughter, it brought back all those memories of being bundled up in her arms myself. There is nothing as beautiful to a child's ears as a mother's voice unfolding with love and peace - no matter what your voice sounds like.
My mom was busy, to say the least. She worked a full-time job when the three of us were of school age. Outside of school, she relayed us between Brownies, gymnastics, Judo, piano, ballet, diving, Japanese language classes, synchronized swimming, saxophone, and whatever dentist, doctor, or playdates would happen to come up - pretty much single-handedly. I am an innately introverted person, so I am not sure if my mother chose to put us in to so many performance-oriented activities, but she did and because of that, my shyness was tempered and my confidence grew much more than if she had not taken the time to invest each of us in those skills.
Being the youngest of three, my sisters were generally put in the activities first (i.e. piano, they would go to the lessons together, and do lessons back-to-back). In those young days, some very special times were to be had. A couple times a week, while my sisters were in their extracurricular activities, me and my mom would head to the mall and the grocery store to do the shopping and pass some time. Just me and my mom. That time with just the two of us was so enduring for me. We would just talk about nothing in particular, look at things, laugh, on occassion she laid some shopping cart rubber getting me to the little department store diner when out came the head of hunger like an alien being from the pit of my bowels. It was nothing more than just spending one-on-one time together. I don't think I've ever told her this (till now), but I so looked forward to those times. It wasn't about what I got, or what we did, it was just 'time in', me and her. I think that is why I love taking my daughter on those little outings to this day.
My mom taught us to be independent, to work hard, to be kind and live with integrity. She and I battled through high school - oh did we ever battle! She watched me head out to Japan to fight, she watched me pursue my dreams with my career as a performance artist and just let me go. She never told me not to, nor to do something else. I suppose sometimes I wondered what she felt about all of my shenanigans, but her ways allowed me to just follow my dreams and refine myself.
In my adult years, she, aside from my husband, is my best friend, the phone call I make first when life is grand or otherwise. She dropped everything when I miscarried in 2009. She always encouraged me to write. I owe a large part of my writing to her - I had to write a lot of 'lines' ("I will not...") and many essays in my high school years. The fact that she tuned in and found a way to help me think through the mistakes and challenges in my life and voice my lessons was quite brilliant, I think. It is also the reason she is the first to read this blog. And though she probably turned inside out when I set out on the roads less traveled in my life, she was always there for me to come home to within my heart.
So now, I am a mother. My favourite moments with my little girl are those days we head out in to the world together, just spending quiet moments together doing nothing in particular. I know that even if I can't carry a tune, my daughter loves to hear me sing. I know that I will help her find her strengths and build them and temper her struggles in life with hard work and encouragement, maybe even just a hand when she is ready. I hope that the lessons my mom taught me about independence, integrity, and kindness will be passed to "M". And if my little girl can one day call me her 'best friend' (right after 'mother'), I will know I succeeded as a mother too.
My mom has been by my side my entire life, with such an amazing strength. One of my favourite quotes best describes my mom:
"Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength" by Saint Francis of Sales
That is my ma. I love you mom. Happy Mother's Day!
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