Day 4 - Give Me Magic

OOoh doggie!  What a morning.

Watched my daughter in her first recital costume dance with such happiness.  We had a very nice visit with wonderful ladies and kiddos.  She and I played at the playground, had a hot chocolate date.  Maybe she knew something was just different today for me.  We were groovin' today.  Many hugs.

So we came home and I set her up in the other room - her toy room.  I asked her, "don't you want to come and do some kicks with momma?".  "no thank you" she said.  "come on, I could really use your support...?"  She left it open ended.

So I went in to the gym, turned on some music and slowly walked around.  It took me a bit to get all cylinders in my mind fired up - to get in the head space.  Just a jumble of stuff inside, I suppose.  I guess I was anticipating some kind of power surging, beat-down, but it didn't happen.  

Took a big ol breath in and out.  It was a slower start - fluid, focused on technique and warming up with slow, low kicks

• Straight leg kicks - (r) 50
• Straight leg kicks - (l) 50
• Front kicks @ speed bag - (r) 50
• Front kicks @ speed bag - (l) 50
• Side kicks - (r) 50
• Side kicks - (l) 50

300 At this point, M started bombing in and out of the gym.  At first I was kind of scattered, and I reset my counts to '0' a few times, because I'd lose track, but I kind of saw it for what it was - cool to have her around while I was striving for a goal.  She started dancing, trying to kick.  WOW, was she every groovin'!!  Yes, I did take a few short dance breaks with her.  She just wanted to be around.  She even gave me three bracelets to show her support (which I will be keeping in my office, beside my black belt as a reminder of today).  As long as I didn't kick her in the head, it was still all a "go"

• Slow Roundhouse kicks - (r) 50
• Slow Roundhouse kicks - (l) 50 
• Roundhouse kicks w/ followthrough - (r) 10, 10, 10, 10, 10 *"soccer kick"

450 alternating after sets of 10 - dizzy!!

• Roundhouse kicks w/ followthrough - (l)10, 10, 10, 10, 10
• Roundhouse-> spin back hook - (alternating) 50
• Roundhouse->spin back hook - (alt) 50

600

• Front kick->Roundhouse (same leg, no touchdown) - (alt) 50
• Front kick->Roundhouse (") - (alt) 50
• Front kick (low->high kick), Roundhouse, Spin hook - 54
• Side kick (low->high) same leg, no touchdown - (alt) 50
• Lambert inside cross kicks to heavy bag - (r) 25
• Lambert inside cross kicks to heavy bag - (l) 25 *not so happy with these
• Roundhouse->heavybag - (r) 50 *power
• Roundhouse->heavybag - (l) 50

954

• Capoeira Spin kicks - (r) 25
• Capoeira Spin kicks - (l) 25 *felt all wobbly with the right ones, and I didn't want to end on that note, so kept going.
• Spin Hook->speed bag - (r) 25
• Spin Hook->speed bag -(l) 25

1054 - yihoo!

It was pretty cool.  M kept charging around weaving in and out having a ball, so it kept me having a good time - the energy was positive.  She even sat for a while on the sidelines and clapped and chanted, "go momma, go! You can do it!"  That is why I will keep my little bracelets from today that she gave me... I will never forget that.  It was perfect for reaching the goal, for her to be there with me.

She was pretty tired.  It wasn't until 7pm that we packed it up, but she still didn't want to start the bedtime routine.  She wanted to go outside and catch the last bit of light.  She was adamant about it.  She was very active today, and usually, when I see the tired cues come out, i will call it, but today was about the bigger picture.

We bundled up and headed outside to play with our dog.  "Who needs water?" (I'm talkin' about me, not the dog).   I poured a nice big glass of Chardonnay and out we headed.  We threw the ball for V and had a really good time.  I threw one ball on top of the house... I came around to see if it was going to roll off, which it didn't, but then being at that side of the house, I caught a very golden sunset.  It was a very lovely moment - that last bit of the day, just golden light.  And then M spotted the beginning blossoms of our Ballerina Magnolia (magnolias are one of my favourite flowers) opening their petals. 

 So very simple, but sometimes, life gives you those moments that just take your breath away, and you feel so connected and a part of something bigger.  It was happy, beautiful, peaceful... just so full of life.   Life keeps on going, and reminders that miracles happen every day, are everywhere.  I know, I could be cynical, and think that sunset and those flowers and that moment meant nothing.  But if it takes energy to be cynical, and energy to see the magical moments... give me magic, baby.  I'd take a life of magic any day.

Very thankful for a powerful, loving, very full day today.

Thoughts on a pillow

Ok, warning, this one is deep (at least for me).

I put my head to the pillow last night like I have every night my entire life.  But I couldn't sleep.

I had a wonderful meeting last night that lasted till almost midnight!  I was reminiscing about the laughter the group of women shared.  What fantastic ladies!!!  I am so blessed to know them.  Then my mind shifted gears, and out of nowhere...  It is remarkable to me - the body's memory.  There was nothing yesterday that triggered the feelings/memories that came up, but my mind and body just remembered and out it came.   This is something I wrote within that time, that I was remembering:

"Twelve days since my body collapsed on the floor as I received the phone call from our midwife that our pregnancy had failed to progress - our baby did not make it. Nine days since my little one's growing body separated from mine and I miscarried, becoming empty of our pregnancy.

Nights seem to scroll by, each one ending with the quiet loneliness that only grief can bring. Heavy and still as though the world has actually stopped turning. Peace. During the day, life continues whether I am within it or not. M, our daughter, keeps me anchored in the 'now'; she is my strength and happiness. In quiet moments, though, I feel my wheels slipping, failing to catch hold of the normalcy that pulls each day in to the next. I can not seem to really breath. I fill my lungs to their capacity yet still feel like I can not get enough air. I write and write, yet I can not seem to empty my sadness, guilt, anger or heartache and leave them behind. It refills faster than my pen can move.

Everyone moves on, slipping back in to the swing of life. My husband, stepping forward, stepping forward, stepping forward; leaving me. Talk of work, of frustrations in politics, anger at the main entrance lock of our home for not working properly. I close my eyes and breathe; I know he is grieving, but we do it so differently. Through the day, I empathize, I touch his hand, I try to see past what seems to me like mindless issues. Until the end of the day comes and I am just tired of hearing about "stuff". He asks why I seem upset with him and my 'nice shield' shatters. I respond, "you seem more upset with work than..." "than with the loss of our pregnancy" he finishes. He gets up and leaves the room.

Hours have passed.  He came in from the garage, I handed M over to him and I went out to the park to shed my tears. My hands fall on the cool soil in the full moon. "I miss you so much... I am so sorry". I don't feel alone there."

This was written almost two years ago, a couple of weeks after I miscarried.  I'm not sure why specifically I am posting this.  Just that little voice in my heart telling me to post it.  Maybe it will help someone?  Statistics vary, but for the most part, I hear that 1 in 5 pregnancies  end in miscarriage.  I did not know it was so common, nor how many people around me miscarried until I did.  It is a very different kind of grief and mourning. 

When I became pregnant, life shifted for me as I can't speak for certain, but I think it does for many women.  You become so primal.  Everything you put in your body, your emotions, everything shifts to a new focus - survival of that little being growing.  Your future changes the instant you find out you are pregnant and a bond forms.  I spent months wrapping my head around a second, bonding with him (we both felt it was a little boy), and in one phone call, life seemed to explode and everything I was investing in unraveled.  What I believed spiritually came in to play, "do I believe that pregnancy was a being?  Do I believe there was a soul there?  Was it just a collection of cells? etc."  I think that is why miscarriage is so different for each woman that experiences it.  Even if you believe it was just a collection of cells, your dreams, your 'forever after' of being a parent to this being, just ends.

That was not quite two years ago.   This month, our baby would have been 1 year old.  There are anniversaries that some people keep when they have gone through similar loss.  I never wanted to remember, but apparently my body has.  It is very wise, I think. 

This would have been our second child.  I was terrified and so in love while I was pregnant.  I went to sleep each night with my hand on my tum, just to connect.  My "Baby Roo".  When I miscarried, I couldn't help but think my fears of how I'd make it all work ended that life.  I remember, for the first time in my life, hating a word!  "Empty".  My body was empty of that magic, that love, that growing little one, those weeks, months following.  One word had the power to just break my heart all over again in the blink of an eye.  "No word should have that power", I thought, half-heartedly chuckling.  The word has since become more benign thankfully.

There will be events in life that happen that just plain suck.  But this time in my life brought me a lot as much as it did take away.  While I carried that little one, I had plain ol' magic and love at a whole other level.  I don't believe that a soul's power ends, so I try to carry that magic and love forward in my life now.  It is a part of my days, my appreciation of things.  My family rallied around me.  My sister took my daughter in the tough times the days following.  My mom dropped everything to be here with us as well.  I knew they loved me, but seeing the depth of their love in action meant the world.  I am thankful for all of those things and if I had to pay a thousand times for it, I wouldn't choose to do it differently. Ultimately, my life is better for that soul being a part of it, even for the short amount of time it was.

In yesterday's post, I wrote about a garden.  This seems crude, out of context, but I believe when we suffer loss in our lives, especially the lives of those we have come to love, or the dreams we have, the physical is gone, but we carry the nutrients and positive energy forward to enrich our lives.  Kinda like compost.  I know, it sounds crude, but it articulates the point.  What seems 'gone', 'over' (the loss, the heartache, the death of a dream), will deepen, nourish and add to our lives if we can decipher the gifts and know where to put it in our lives now.  

Last night, my last thoughts were speaking to that little soul out there, wondering what life would have been with two kiddos, how M would have been as a sibling... When I was a kid, I used to fall asleep composing my dreams, willling myself to dream of certain things (I think that is why I slept so well!).  Last night, I asked Life to just give me one dream, "to see that little one just once".  

It didn't happen.  ha ha...  but you know what?  I'll pay it forward in my day today.  I will live life with love and magic today.  I'll live life fully with strength in honour of that spirit out there, so it will always be with me.  I called my sister and thanked her for what she did for me then and told her to not hesitate to let me be there for her.  Maybe that soul was there to make she and I stronger.  I will call my mom later today.  What can I say, she is my rock, she deserves to hear it again.  And I'm going to achieve a goal today - I'm going to do a thousand kicks!  :)  Maybe I'll be with some good friends today. 

A lot of months have passed.  I do have a new normal in my life.  I will never be the same as before I miscarried.  I don't want to be.  Does it get easier?  Yes.  Is it still heartbreaking to remember the loss?  yes.  It will bring me to tears instantly (I haven't cried this much in months as I have writing this!!).  Am I still angry?  Yup, but I'll beat it out of that heavy bag later on, I'll tell you that much!  ha ha.  But I think it is part of well-being to honour these feelings, express them.  Maybe even let them out, and who knows, maybe they will make someone's life better or help someone who needs to know they are not alone, and that soul will keep bringing light in to other people's lives too. 

So, today is in honour of that magic and love.  I will live today well.

1,000 kicks later.  :)

Day 3 & My Garden

I am feeling surprisingly good today.  I think moving around in the garden in the afternoon yesterday probably helped keep the lactic acid moving around. 
ok.  2pm.  Daughter napping - that is a rarity lately!  I think it was a good thing in a few ways to take her to the indoor play gym - she deserved the focus time, good for her to get some activity and LAUGHTER and then a nap, and me,  - TIME TO HIT IT!!   Let's move some more lactic acid.

• Straight leg kicks - (r) 50
• Straight leg kicks - (l) 50

• Front Kicks @ speedbag height - (r) 50
• Front Kicks @ speedbag height - (l) 50

200

• Side Kicks - (r) 50
• Side Kicks - (l) 50 *no touching down in between (right leg has better balance)

• Slow roundhouse Kicks - (l) 25 *hold 2' chamber for 1 second before touchdown/improve form

WATER!

• Slow roundhouse Kicks - (r) 25

350

• Moving Roundhouse kicks - (alternating) 50

Woooo... feelin' the burn.  using fatigued moments as a reminder to keep shoulders down, long neck, shoulder blades togeher.  Whenever I need to take a moment, elongate the spine

• Roundhouse -> spin back hook - (alt) 50
• Inside Crescent -> outside crescent - (alt) 50

500
Let's do some precision stuff...

• Spin hook kick brushing the speed bag - (r) 25
• Spin hook kick brushing the speed bag - (l) 25

•  Set of 10:
• r/l Front kick, r/l round house, r/l spin hook, r/l back kicks, r/l leg sweeps - 50 (interesting combo...?)

600

•  Side Kick (r), Leg sweep, round house, spinning hook - 52
• Side Kick (l), Leg sweep, round house, spinning hook - 52

 "need more water, but if I go, will M wake up?... DON'T STOP!"

• front kick->roundhouse (same leg, no touchdown) - (alt) 50
• front kick->roundhouse (same leg, no touchdown) - (alt) 50  Get the hip OVER!  YEOWCH!

804  Daughter woke up from nap here, so 5 min break.  Made her a little nest in the corner and she cuddled in till I was done!

• Heavy Bag Roundhouse KICKS! - (r) 50
• Heavy Bag Roundhouse KICKS! - (l) 50

904!

WHEW!  TOday's workout was a bit slower paced, (took about an hour), but it was helpful for me to be mindful of posture, technique etc. Rebuilding new patterns (posture).  Keeping spine elongated made the spin kicks a lot more crisp and tight.  Very happy with today's workout.

I am thinking tomorrow will be 1,000.  So if I do hit that mark, I think we'll go for 1,000 punches for the rest of the week.  I think my upper body will need some balance and it'll be the true test when it comes to redefining posture within this kind of training. 

-----------------------

So as mentioned above, I was in the garden yesterday afternoon.  All of our beds are topped up with fresh organic soil, waiting for new seeds.  I walked up to the raised beds yesterday and saw the clusters of weeds poking out...grrrr...  So I got on it.  Gotta get them out before I plant our seedlings/new seeds in our veggie garden.

So there I was plugging along in one of our 4 foot, by 12 foot raised beds. My daughter rummaging around in the dirt, and as I pulled the weeds out, as my dad taught me, from the roots up, the parallels between a garden and human beings started growing.

We start out pretty clean when we're born.  Predisposed, maybe with seeds of certain varieties all ready to grow (genetics).  As time goes by, the wind, new soil (all these things representing experiences in life) bring in other seeds and other plants begin to grow.  For the formative years, our parents/siblings plant seeds that will give us the best start.  Sometimes they are seeds that are just what they carried that weren't even so great.  All these things are learned behaviours (ie. education/training in various things, conditioning our minds to think a certain way, normal behaviours, coping mechanisms, negative thoughts, excuses etc.).  We just inherit those things.  As we get older, things shift and we have the choice of what to plant in our beds. The garden beds closest to us (friends, significant others, coworkers etc.) spread their seeds and we grow what they grow as well - some beautiful flowers, wonderful veggies etc. (positive characteristics, loving behaviours, ethics, beliefs, behaviours etc.).  Most of these things do take and begin to grow, they stay within our bed.  They come to light, and all of these things together represent who we are.

Sometimes, we plant things that are beneficial for us at a certain time, but they later become of no use, or even detrimental to current situations.  They become weeds.  They take nutrition/space from the soil below.  On the surface,  they overshadow and block out the reception of sunlight (positive, productive energy),  and the ability of others to enjoy the beneficial plants we ARE trying to nurture and grow, and sometimes even extinguish those beneficials (flowers/fruits/veggies) from seeing the light of day.

And what kicked my gardens butt last year (literally, but works here in this metaphor)?  Planting TOO much!  Things got cluttered, huge, it ended up looking like a huge forest and I couldn't FIND the good things in it after a while.  The things I did want to grow, may have grown, but I couldn't FIND them in the jungle!   I couldn't concentrate on keeping up with it all.  It was so much, I kind of gave up.

Weeds.  They aren't necessarily ugly, or harmful, though sometimes they are.  But they take away energy/space from the beautiful, helpful, productive things to grow and flourish.  For example:  Imagine you could pull out all of the dandelions from my garden- "EXCUSES".  What would life be if I took away all the excuses?...  Maybe sometimes an excuse here and there is helpful, but usually not.  The thing is, we have to determine, "What is an excuse, and what is a valid reason?"  Sometimes those plants look similar!  BUT you KNOW what the answer is.  There's that little voice that calmly, in the depths of your wisdom calls out, "bullshit" as soon as the thought evolves.  But because your garden has buttercups, maybe you are used to them or it's easier to just let it go ahead and grow.  If no one is tending to them, or aware that they are useless and detrimental, of course they are going to grow! 

Then, for whatever reason, one day, you turn inward and you get a look at your own garden.  There is a lot to be proud of, but perhaps you are not growing what you would like to now be growing.  And all those weeds?  How did they get so big, and so many?  Now they are spreading seeds everywhere!  You can hide the leaves, your can cut them off, but everytime you try and hide, it the root system is still there, just as big and intricate below the surface, still taking up energy and and space below the surface.  So you pull it.  It's not coming out. And the longer they are left to grow, the deeper the roots extend out and they become harder to pull. Boy, you gotta go DEEP and it takes time.  But once you get them out of your life, Imagine all the things you CAN plant?

Most importantly, look at the things you love and WANT to grow (the useful skills, the characteristics that make you unique, that you love to express, things that may nourish people around you etc.), and take the time to tend to them - give them the space, the energy, the resources to flourish.  If there is only so much sunlight  (energy) in a day, what is going to get it?

Call me crazy and yes, there I went again, but I believe life has parallels for a reason.  The laws of nature are there to teach us, to keep us in line, and ultimately, we are just one more piece of the whole puzzle.

What's in your garden this Spring?

Day 2 of KICKIN IT (no Mr. YummyPants)

Wake up.  Get child breakfast.  Drink water.  Go downstairs to gym.  My upper back is achy.  I was having issues with that dislocated rib area since New Years and I think my posture doing the kicks has flared it up.  "Grunt... grumble"

Ok, here's something I found.  In my time training, I found little emphasis on core muscle training until about 15 years ago.   Then it came to my forefront, but in the arena I was in, bouncing around various martial arts, it was still not focused on.  It was kind of a given that when you do your techniques properly, your body will build the areas necessary - becoming strong all over.  My body did so.  I strengthened in many areas.  BUT!  Had I been mindful of what I know now, i think i would have built myself differently to an extent - better posture overall, perhaps had more power in what I was executing etc.

Here's the thing I'm trying to get at.  I am pretty good at 'engaging my core',  as per what the trainers I had would say "tighten the abs, bring pelvis under more", but in my past, that was about it.  It wasn't until I started doing the dance training that I watched and watched and just saw these highly skilled women moving the way I wanted to - not just with a strong abdominal region, but upward lift FROM the abominals (refer to Ms. Paulina Seminova's posture with LIFT! and I assure you her core muscles/abs are fully engaged).  For me THIS is now my core endeavours- engaging my abs, my pelvis, lifting up through the spine all the way to the top of my head, and keeping my shoulder-blades together as much as possible.  If I train from that, I will build way better form and a way better feminine form that I aspire to.

It is a pretty important part of core strength for me to focus on because without it, I start rolling my shoulders in, much like a DUDE (like Mr. YummyPants Tighty-Whitey here).  Looks good on him, but not ideal for me. Remember, what you repeatedly do, you will build/enforce.  I also think it has something to do with my rib not getting better.  SO That is a focus on today's 700.

(I am not a fitness trainer, these are just my own experiences and focuses for my path in fitness) 

CRANK THE MUSIC!!!!

"Run This Town" - JayZ with Rhiana

Must stretch out the hamstrings, so I'll start with Wushu style straight leg kicks. 

• Straight leg kicks: Right leg 50
• Straight leg kicks:  Left leg: 50

100 oooh - hip flexors, transverse abdominal, obliques... you know that pre-lock up, lactic acid ahhhhhhhhhh...

• Inside (to balance yesterdays' outside) crescent kicks: Right leg, 25 kicks.  Left leg, 25 kicks  (50)
• Front kicks:  Right side, 50 kicks.  Left side, 50 kicks    (100)

250 oooh hip flexors...  "Adagio for Strings" by Tiesto YEAH!!!!!!!  I should be in a club

• Side Kicks:  Right side, 50 kicks.  Left side, 50 kicks (100)
• Rear-leg roundhouse kicks: Right side, 25 kicks.  Left side, 30 kicks (55)
• Front kick, roundhouse (alternating) - 50

455 engaging shoulderblades (keeping them together), posture lengthening up through spine.  Both kicks head high- go, go go! 

• Front kick, same leg roundhouse (alternating) - 50

505 (*&^%##) some swearing...  headache - dehydrated this morning (drinks water)

• Rear leg Roundhouse, spinning back kick -did 10 or 12, but lost count (daughter came in), so back to SQUARE ONE!  (teaching mind to stay focused!) 50

my hips and lateral abs...  "HA!!!!!  FAAAaaaaaahhhh.....k."

• Rear leg Roundhouse, spinning back kick -by 26, kicks get mushy... and what wouldn't get MUSHY while by "Always be My Baby" byMariah Carey is playing in the cool down portion of my Workout playlist?!?!  How did that even get ON THERE?!??!    "Rumor Has It" by Adele... better...  50

• Front kick, rear leg roundhouse, spinning hook, leg sweep  - 52

657 "COLD & UGLY" by MER  YEAH!!!!!!!!
"Burn It To The Ground" - Nickleback
These two songs ROCK the heavy bag - time to KICK SOMETHING!

• Heavy bag roundhouse kicks: right leg 50
• Heavy bag roundhouse kicks: left leg 50

757"Because Of You" - Nickleback  plays next.  Got the energy - lets' giver', "kick some butt, nugget!"... ok was walking around and I gotta give my hip flexors a break (easy 'nugget'), so I'm going to do SLOW, back kicks.  They need some work, so this is perfect to work the other side of my hips/back, and work on balance, which I suck at (especially left leg).

• SLOW back kicks:  Right leg, 25
• SLOW back kicks:  Left leg, 25

8-0-7!

I was aspiring for 700 today, but got revved up to go for 750.... but if you look at the bottom of the list, (not sure you can read my fast scribbles) but I forgot to note the 50 heavy bag roundhouse kicks I did for the LEFT SIDE!  woops, but YEEEAAAHH for 807 (not 757)!!!!! 

"aaaahhhh..."  major hip stretch cool down.  Sooooooo gooooooood.  There's going to be some hurtin' tonight.  Ha ha!

There is something about doing a workout like this that really gets to me.  I am not sure how much women in our society allow themselves to be aggressive/exert power.  I don't think that within society, the aggressive trait in women is very appreciated.  It depends on how that aggression/power is exerted, but even I tend to back away from aggressive/forceful behaviours in daily life.  I wouldn't define myself as aggressive (or am I?!... ha ha!), but this kind of training, gives me an outlet to focus, build my body in a way that may be effective one day if I should ever need it, and that lets me get in the mind-frame of EXERTING POWER.  AND I LOVE IT!   We are human beings with a whole range of emotions.  They all play at one point in our lives, whether we express them or not (stiffle them). 

Have you ever gotten in an argument with someone that was SO heated?  Your breath was charged, you body had adrenaline coursing through your blood, your muscles seething, your stomach was swirling with an electrical charge and then you just let it OUT!  and there it went... and then you took a moment, perhaps walked away...  I don't advocate getting to this point in relationships at all, but in the handful of instances I have gotten to that point...  there is a smidge of release, freedom of all that aggression/frustration that gets propelled out of me, and you know what?  It felt GOOD to exert power (not power over someone, but just power from my own emotions).  It is almost always overshadowed, however, with the horrible feeling of what is going on, but that moment, that breath after the release... do you remember that?   I think pulling that expression in to the gym, and resolving issues other ways is the best way to express aggression in a healthy way :)

That is what this kind of training is like for me - taking anything that is whirling inside me and just exerting force, getting it out, but instead of these emotions being a detriment to a relationship etc., they make me stronger, they have a chance to be expressed.  It is like what I imagine a test fighter pilot to endure:  you are sitting within a powerful machine, taking it to new heights, pushing it further, seeing just what you can achieve, checking in with your instruments (always) to know "can you go higher?  can you add power?  where are the limits?" and then you DRIVE, you push, you push through your own limits.

When all is said and done,  when you come back to the ground, when the music shifts to something slow and moving, after the shower, after the guzzle of water, there is just peace - physically and mentally, and yes, even spiritually.

It is a way for me to express that side of myself in a productive way and find balance through physical movement.  I love it.

It is a debate, I suppose - aggression, whether it is necessary to express or not.  I think the answer is in how power is exerted that makes the difference and is important in a life of power.  If I don't drive myself, I will not grow and we are SO meant to grow, aren't we?

Day 1 - Here We Go

"WHY?!  WHY?!?  WHY!?!?!?!... Why would I do this to myself?" I thought on my way home from errands this afternoon... "Do you remember what a thousand kicks looks like?  Do you remember what a thousand kicks FEELS like?!?"  Then my mind started to break it down.  "10 x 100.  20 x 50".

To recap: my goal is to do 1,000 kicks in one workout by weeks' end.  Today I'll start around 5-600 and then increase each day (every day).    

Warm up (slow & low, watching technique and just warming up the legs, abs, hips etc.):

• Outside crescent kicks: Right leg, 25 kicks.  Left leg, 25 kicks  (50)
• Front kicks:  Right side, 25 kicks.  Left side, 25 kicks    (50)
• Side Kicks:  Right side, 25 kicks.  Left side, 25 kicks (50)
• Rear-leg roundhouse kicks: Right side, 25 kicks.  Left side, 25 kicks (50)

200 ok. Now we'll see how the rest goes...

• Front kick, same leg roundhouse (alternating) - 50

step it up a bit

• Front kick, same leg roundhouse (alternating) - 50

feeling it... 300

• Rear leg Roundhouse, spinning back kick - 50

oh feeling it now...

• Rear leg Roundhouse, spinning back kick -(35,36 not so good, so they don't count!) 46

• Front kick, rear leg roundhouse, spinning back kick - 15 (redo 13, 14, 15 too)

411

• Front kick, roundhouse, (added a spinning hook kick) leg sweep: 39
• Front kick, roundhouse, spinning hook kick, leg sweep: 52

502

At this point, my daughter rolled off the small couch (she was sleeping).  Thank goodness I put some air stability cushions at the foot of the couch... she was fine.

• Roundhouse Kicks in to the heavy bag: 50

• Right leg - Front, side, back kicks (one leg): 27
• Left leg - Front, side, back kicks (one leg): 26

605!

Ok, it went better than I thought.  Originally, I was going to do 500 and then add 100 each day, but 600 seemed like a suitable place to start as well as being able to focus on better overall technique. These ones were not the most crisp kicks I've ever delivered, but it was Day 1 and I want my groin/hamstrings to pace themselves.  For some reason, I was feeling a bit shy too - strange.  I think over the next few days, there will be some funny walking, foul-talking and DEFINITELY SOME SWEAT A'FLYIN'!  And of course, I'll be striving to get more snap in them, tighten up hands and technique overall.  I did video it to try and post it, but if I speed it up, 30 minutes at 1200% doesn't really show kicks at all... so you can take my word if you'd like.

I feel great.  (OH!  Just got off my exercise ball and my hips are already feeling it).  I am also really looking forward to cranking the tunes and amping the energy (couldn't do that today with my daughter sleeping 7 feet away).  It will also be a challenge doing the series with her awake...  yikes.  anyway, it feels gooood.  Not so much just physically, but mentally it is really good to get that kind of energy out.

Tomorrow morning : 700!!

Weekly goal - KICKIN' IT IN TO HIGH GEAR!

One common theme I have observed from my daughter's development is that friction precedes accelerated growth.   She will go through a period of frustration, anger, sass that is not normal to her.. and juuust when we are about to lock horns, the tide shifts and this little flower blossoms from the depths.  New behaviours, leaps in physical or emotional development bubble to the surface...  Kids are so primal, they are really intriguing to see these patterns and then reflect on in our lives as adults.  Do I do that too?  Yup. I  think life in general does that - friction, growth, new level, and you vault in energy from that place to a next place. 

On the back of my own personal friction, negative vibe, internal growth, I feel like I am at a new plateau.  I also feel the need to KICK SOME ASS! 

"W-SAAAAH!!!!!!"  I need to increase my physical training.  It is time.  I feel antsy physically.  SO!  there was a time in my life where I was doing a level of training that I was quite happy with.  We started our rehearsal days with a conditioning routine.  That routine consisted of 1,000 kicks.   SO. That is what this week is going to be about.  By the end of the week, I want to do 1,000 in that last day (front, side, back, roundhouse, crescent, combos etc.).  Nothing flash, just straightforward, basic kicks.

What do I want to gain by this?  The number makes it a measurable goal, but my focus is on doing the kicks properly.   If I can't do 1,000 properly with good technique, I will be lowering the number to whatever is reasonable.  Most importantly, I am striving for and hoping to accomplish:

• engaging core with a better posture than I have in the past.  
• strengthening my balance, 
• increasing my cardio - GET MOVING 
• revving up the fighter spirit
• and yes, tuning up my kicking techniques. 

This goal is purely physical, and we will see what happens (since it has been... eight years since that was my routine).  This is gonna be funny... OUCH! (don't do this unless you are trained, please)  But hopefully it will also insert some ass kicking off your own in to life, in whatever way you choose.  "Where is YOUR FIGHTER?  Where is your fighting spirit?" 

Tonight will be the first round - "Ding! Ding!  W-SAAAHHH!"   I will be posting the details of the workouts daily.

*smokin' artist rendering by Mikems71...  I want to be SpiderWoman!  Especially lookin' like THAT! (perhaps with not so much coochie-angle and not so much boobage though)

New Normals

Life is so dynamic in what it brings;  new social circles,  opportunities to refine oneself, new loves, new adventures, or even on the other end of the spectrum, the shift of jobs, the loss of dreams/loved ones, the annihilation of entire cities and one's home, the loss of peace...   We are human and human beings adapt, even when we so do not want to.  It is a matter of survival and evolution. To adapt is to create a new normal.

We adapt to crappy situations, bad relationships, bad habits (thinking it is OK, or acceptable).  We drag 30 years of poor coping mechanisms in to the generations after us just because it is what we know, unless we make the effort to change. We also and more importantly choose to adapt to healthier ways. 

In the spirit of endeavouring for wellness, I find that... it ain't easy.  Shifting to a life of wellness requires mindfully adapting - building 'new normals'.  And when you work hard putting down a new foundation, building a new fabric, life goes and shifts again.  It can be annoying and sometimes be exasperating.  Juuuust when I was getting a groove, a-there, it goes.  Such is life.

Since January, i was in a GROOVE!  I had my classes going, I got to meetings, I had my sweetie around with such loving support, our daughter was enjoying both of us and then BOOM!  His schedule changes again, me and my daughter are 24/7 forehead to forehead, no fitness classes, no yoga, we get sick, we become bystanders to the horrors of the tsunami/earthquake/nuclear dangers, we learn about helplessness. 

For many, things roll off the back like water off a duck.  Me, not so much.  I struggle maybe more than I should.  My husband says I go deep, that I sometimes think too much.  I own that, I also own the strengths that quality gives me.  I think it makes me inefficient sometimes, like for instance recently, there I was grumpy.  Irritated.  Negative.  My balance was gone and I was expending energy on trying to get back what I missed, what gave me balance,  that the fluff within the fabric of who I am was diminished.  Depleted.  No fuzzies.  Low energy.  When I am out of balance, I become focused on what WILL bring balance back - what is it I am missing?  How do I get it back?  "I want it!"  Sometimes, though, it is just realizing that I have no control, that I AM doing all that can be done, and instead of 'swimming against the current', I need to just go with the flow, be in the moment and learn from it what I can - to adapt (even temporarily to this new situation, until balance is restored).  I forget to appreciate just where I am because every moment DOES bring a person something. Adapt.  "I am only, out of balance, for a short period.  Learn and move on". I learned a lot in the past month while i wasn't in my training groove.  My heart was training.  My motherhood was in training.  My relationship was in training.  If you can't have balance, see where you are.  Maybe something is there to be learned that you otherwise wouldn't have learned.  Search for what it takes to 'move in' to your new normal.

As human beings, we seek what we know.  In this society, we seek what is 'normal' to us based on what we 'feed' our hearts/minds day-to-day, or based on our past history.   Even if it is detrimental to us, we will stay in that place because it is what we know, and what we know, is easier (takes less energy because we have mastered how to manage it in one way or another) than what we do not know.  Ego-wise anyways.  But wellness is based on equilibrium - balance, calmness.  "shhhhhh..." there's that little voice in there that calmly speaks in that positive, confident manner that it always does, saying "whatcha doin'?  you know there's more for ya..."  and it isn't until the negative becomes more than what we feel we are worth, that you finally choose to make a difference.  Friction occurs which in turn, eventually makes you say "enough IS enough".  Some times you HAVE TO change or you know you will lose yourself. 

Life is sometimes really shitty.  It pulls the rug from under you and will stomp on your heart.  You'll have your heart broken.  People will get sick and pass on.  Maybe we become unwell.  And there you are.  There is a new normal and there is nothing to do but to move on.  Life, as cruely as it seems, keeps moving on.  In my life, these times taught me the most profound lessons.  They deepened me more than the "ok days" ever have and you know what, even though I may never understand fully, I am thankful.   You take off your backpack of tools in life and priorities, and throw them on the ground and figure out what is worth keeping and what is not so helpful anymore, your heart lifts because people step up around you.  You take the time to mourn the things that helped get you this far, that made life wonderful that are no longer.  You honour your heart - give it time to let go, and pay the heartache forward and let whatever was taken from you, be a positive light in your future.  And one day passes in to the next and a new normal begins being built - most times without you even noticing.  Notice.  Know yourself.  Honour yourself and your heart.  BE the creator in your new normal.  Adapt with intention.

Even in changes we choose to make - fitness, wellness.  We choose goals.  The "why" of why we choose goals matters.  They have to matter or we won't stick with it because it takes a lot of energy to make new patterns.  It takes repeating over and over again, to make something a habit (refer to The Talent Code).  The more you run those new circuits in your brain, the more myelin* wraps around your nerve fibers making those pathways conduct with speed and ease.  It makes things second nature, reroutes the new behaviours from the previous pathways etc.  It creates a new normal.   It takes energy when you CHOOSE a new behaviour, you must consciously, mindfully invest the thought and energy to create those new pathways/behaviours. When you are moving in to a new realm you are unfamiliar with, it takes a lot of energy, it takes hope, it takes faith.   The tendency is to go back to what we know because, especially in times of stress, we want to expend less energy so we can divert it to 'survival mode'.  So you sit yourself down on a proverbial rock and "think. think. think" Well...

Why?  BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT!  How do i know you are worth it?  Because we are all worth it and what you do affects everyone you are in contact with.  You are worth it because at the end of days, you will have a life lived - what will your story have been, what will remain of you when your body is gone?  We are fighters, and seem to not even know/remember it (especially women).   That bitchy, REOW side?  USE your powers for good, let it fuel you! (go rent '300' and 'J.I. Jane' again!).   Human beings are deep.  We care (even, and especially, when we say we don't).  We have the mind capacity to do many things (sometimes to our detriment).  *snap!*  *snap!*  *snap!* "FOCUS, DAMN IT!"

This community, this world needs proactivity, not passive following.  You are worth it because our communities, our friendships, our families, our children and our dreams need to raise the bar.  We need that in the world today.  Lead. You are worth it because it is your one life and you know what?  Your life affects mine.  That matters to me.

I have an exercise.... who is going to do it?  NO TV for one week.  We do not have cable in our home (when we do watch TV, we watch movies and documentaries etc. that we choose).  I went to my parents' place and sat and watched TV with my mom.  My jaw was on the floor.  DRAMA, SENSATIONALISM, the pumping of materialistic stuff/lifestyles "everybody needs one of THESE cuz it'll make you happy!"  "Billy-Bob on whatever show who is a coffee barister is living in a gorgeous apartment" wtf?   DISTORTED, I tell ya!  Why?  Because it is MEANT to keep you watching.  Life is not like that, nor should it be.  People turn on the tv to escape.  Fair enough.  But are you aware of what you are feeding your mind?  Are you aware of the 'new normals' you are creating by what you are watching on TV?    We watch what we put in our bodies food-wise.  Ingest healthy things.  Social circles are something to consider, but man, TV, I tell ya.  I was shocked.  Is this a factor in your 'normal'?  When you are finished a week long TV/cable cleanse, CHOOSE what you put in to your mind and what supplements your 'normal' or 'new normals' (yes, you can watch '300' then).

Do a TV cleanse.  Even if you do not go without TV for one week, know what you are striving for in your life - your individual equilibrium, what REALLY matters, what you value in the social circles you run in and see if what you are watching IS in line with it... or, are some programs mentally dripping crap in a feed like a subconscious IV to your noggin?

In it's place, put your energy in to those around you, thinking about new normals etc.  BE with those you love (NOT sitting in front of the TV beside those you love, that ain't family time!).  Gain an extra couple hours a day to DO.  If you take this challenge, please post below.  I want to hear your feedback.

Use the power of adaptability mindfully.  Lead your life. 


*Myelin  -a mixture of proteins and phospholipids forming a whitish insulating sheath around many nerve fibers, increasing the speed at which impulses are conducted